Are Men with Minatures Masculine?

I’ve grown up in the suburbs but since doing stand-up I’ve been exposed to men from all walks of life.  While I certainly find nice guys attractive guys that are to feminine can be a bit of a turn off.  Although I try to remain open-minded,  and not judge a book by its cover, sometimes it’s hard…. Sometimes as my mother says I can be as “shallow as a teaspoon”.  One of these inadvertent judgments often occurs when I find out what kind of pet a man owns… While I LOVE cats I have found that single men who live alone and have chosen to own a cat while not exactly feminine, they do tend to be a bit shall we say… “different”.

Lately though what I have found almost shocking is meeting guys you own miniature dogs… like Chihuahuas, Pomeranians or a pugs even.  I’ve actually seen men dressed like thugs walking these cute little creatures in what I would consider somewhat dicey neighborhoods.  While I certainly don’t want to take away from a man’s street credibility if you’re walking a full-grown adult dog (i.e. not a puppy, cause guys walking puppies are ALWAYS SEXY) that could fit in a purse, the implication is that you just forgot to carry your purse that day.  I’m trying hard not to be so shallow folks so please don’t unsubscribe….. But really, its hard not to talk shoes with man walking a Pomeranian…. I am working on it, but hey even if you’re wearing baggy jeans, cornrows, tattoos & chains….. all I see is this:

Now this seems like a match!!

Perhaps I just haven’t met the right go to prove this theory wrong?   Guess I need a man to show me the error in my discrimination? I’m certainly working hard to keep an open mind here but truthfully still seems a little suspect to me….

Lesson Learned:  Uh Yeah!! Size matters.

Incoming text from…… Crazy Bruce

OMG….I had a committed a  major cell phone faux pas which cost me my last boyfriend…well my last fuckbuddy…I  was “seeing”/”dating”  ok sleeping with a guy named Bruce.  I actually really liked this knucklehead. However he had the irritating habit that some men have of going completely crazy usually about once a month.  This insanity would only last a day or two but it was pretty bad he would snap off over minutia.  I would usually get upset and delete him from my cell phone only to add him back the next day.   Unfortunately I have the bad habit of giving people descriptive names in my cell  phone and logically he got the name “Crazy Bruce”.  The bad part is that I’m also lazy I made that change several months ago and simply forgot to change it back.  He spent the night the other day and reached for my phone to find out the time, before I could stop him.  At the bottom of my screen had my last incoming text message which was from him “Crazy Bruce”.  Wow was he mad, I was almost flattered that he cared that much (clearly my name must be crazy Amber in someone’s phone) but I really didn’t have any rational excuse and although I apologized this seems to have changed everything.  It really saddens me but I have certainly learned my lesson!!   Always have your cell phone locked!! I mean really what if “Little Dick Larry” or “To quick Trevor” had grabbed it…how embarassing!!